Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The Big Day

Dr. Watson called this morning: Jessica will go back to the clinic at 11:00 a.m., where Dr. Davies (Dr. Watson's partner) will look at her ultrasound to be sure that he is confident about her anatomy too. Then, she will be admitted to Methodist Hospital (in the attached Eisenberg building) and will go to the OR at 1:00p.m. She will likely be discharged tomorrow after a repeat ultrasound. We are not committing yet whether we will come home tomorrow evening or Friday morning--we will just wait and see how Jessica feels.

One thing for which we have been very grateful: good sleep. I cannot attribute this to anything but prayer, because we were both sleeping very poorly at home before we left.

I am also grateful that amidst difficult circumstances, I have come to see what a courageous person Jessica is. I have always loved her joie de vivre, her infectious laugh, and her capacity for love and joy. In my younger and less mature days though, I was poorly equipped to understand or deal with the way she expressed sadness or grief. It scared me a bit; truthfully I felt out of control with it. One of the fears that came to my mind after we learned of this diagnosis two weeks ago was that the grief of losing a child might be too much for Jessica.

But this experience has taught me a great deal about her. She has fear, but she has faith. She grieves, but she continues to be grateful. The thought of losing a baby has made us both cry more days than not in the last two weeks, but she has not lost her capacity for joy. Yesterday, I watched her take a stand and tell Dr. Watson that we would rather lose these babies fighting for them than watch them die before our eyes. And last night, after we had both shed some tears, I shared how daunting it is to think about riding this emotional rollercoaster for another 2-3 months...and that is if things go well. She calmly but firmly said, "It is worth it."

It gives me great confidence that God is protecting our marriage through this.

9 comments:

  1. Jess is a girl to love, isn't she? Sending you lots of love and prayers!

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  2. Hello there. My name is Christina Brownell .. you have no idea who I am but my mother in law passed this blog along to me and asked us to lift you all up in prayer. I just wanted to assure you that there will be many people in prayer for your family and for your precious little ones! God Bless.

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  3. We are all praying for a successful procedure and speedy recovery! Nebraska City

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  4. You are both amazing people that God has brought together to share joy and endure suffering. It is a blessing to hear about the strength of your marriage in the midst of this difficult circumstance. You are covered in prayer today.

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  5. Just a reminder, God brought Chad to our family. God brought Jessica to Chad, ergo God brought Jessica to our family. The circle around you and your marriage was there before these little girls were brought to the circle. Know that the circle will tighten and strengthen with you in these times but will never break regardless of what happens. You are and will be surrounded by love.

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  6. Dad just called to say that Jessica was out of surgery. Understand it was a difficult procedure, but we are thankful that it is over. Take your time coming home. We love you both so very much.

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  7. You have not left my thoughts all day today. I am eager to hear how things went today. It is amazing how many people - some you haven't even met - are praying for you and thinking of you! I love you both so much.

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  8. I've been thinking about you all day and praying for a successful procedure. You are both so blessed to have each other and a wonderful, supportive family. God bless your family.

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  9. Wow, reading your blog and the comments is very inspirational. We are thinking of you guys today, and praying for you and the girls.

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