The Big Day

Dr. Watson called this morning: Jessica will go back to the clinic at 11:00 a.m., where Dr. Davies (Dr. Watson's partner) will look at her ultrasound to be sure that he is confident about her anatomy too. Then, she will be admitted to Methodist Hospital (in the attached Eisenberg building) and will go to the OR at 1:00p.m. She will likely be discharged tomorrow after a repeat ultrasound. We are not committing yet whether we will come home tomorrow evening or Friday morning--we will just wait and see how Jessica feels.

One thing for which we have been very grateful: good sleep. I cannot attribute this to anything but prayer, because we were both sleeping very poorly at home before we left.

I am also grateful that amidst difficult circumstances, I have come to see what a courageous person Jessica is. I have always loved her joie de vivre, her infectious laugh, and her capacity for love and joy. In my younger and less mature days though, I was poorly equipped to understand or deal with the way she expressed sadness or grief. It scared me a bit; truthfully I felt out of control with it. One of the fears that came to my mind after we learned of this diagnosis two weeks ago was that the grief of losing a child might be too much for Jessica.

But this experience has taught me a great deal about her. She has fear, but she has faith. She grieves, but she continues to be grateful. The thought of losing a baby has made us both cry more days than not in the last two weeks, but she has not lost her capacity for joy. Yesterday, I watched her take a stand and tell Dr. Watson that we would rather lose these babies fighting for them than watch them die before our eyes. And last night, after we had both shed some tears, I shared how daunting it is to think about riding this emotional rollercoaster for another 2-3 months...and that is if things go well. She calmly but firmly said, "It is worth it."

It gives me great confidence that God is protecting our marriage through this.