In the last few days, as Jessica and I have been discussing these little girls, and as I have spoken to them myself, I have been struck by how it feels like we are working on borrowed time with them. I feel a sense of anguish and get jittery if I think about it too much, but the last few days it has been good perspective. The truth is, we are on borrowed time with Emily too. And each other.
I know it is nowhere near an original thought, but the realization that we have no guarantees about the time we will have together is helping us to enjoy each day--even as we face our greatest challenge to date as a married couple. We attribute the peace we are experiencing to the prayers of so many loved ones. So, to all of you, we give innumerable thanks.
Romans 8 says:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose...What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?...For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
As I have read this again and again, I keep wanting to read where it says, "I promise your children will live and be healthy." It doesn't say that, but is does remind me of his love, from which no one can separate Jessica and me. AND it says that we if lose a child, we are in good company. We are confident that God loves these children even more than we do, and we believe that whatever the outcome, it will be for their good. I will readily admit that I don't know what it would mean for him to "graciously give us all things" in the event we lose one or both babies. We are not going to let it bog us down though...we have better ways to use this borrowed time.